


this is what makes us girls

by pearlshop



Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: Childhood Sweethearts, Codependency, Consensual Underage Sex, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Eating Disorders, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, Lesbian Sex, Light Dom/sub, Possessive Behavior, Power Dynamics, Protectiveness, Sexual Repression, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:29:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23476084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearlshop/pseuds/pearlshop
Summary: Addy turns around slowly, her hands clasped in a way that betrays her shyness. Her hands say: Addy Hanlon doesn't wear things like this. Addy Hanlon is a virgin pure. Addy Hanlon doesn't know what she looks like yet.But she will.Even if she's slow to catch on, the world won't be."How do I look?""Five stars," Beth drawls, so she doesn't sound too sincere. "No complaints from this peanut gallery."or:Beth and Addy grow up together.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Comments: 29
Kudos: 325





	this is what makes us girls

**Author's Note:**

> \- This is primarily based on the TV show. I read the book 1000 years ago and put some of those details in the fic, but I definitely do not have a complete understanding of the story because I haven’t recently read the book. Any direct contradictions to the book canon are my own mistakes.  
> \- Beth and Addy are just turning 14 at the beginning of this story. It starts the summer between 8th grade and freshman year and follows them until the pilot.  
> \- This is meant to portray an unhealthy codependent relationship, just like the show. You don’t need to let me know their relationship is unhealthy. It’s intentional, and it’s fiction.
> 
> A thorough list of trigger warnings: underage sexual activity both implicit and explicit, explicit depictions of disordered eating, underage drinking, underage marijuana use, sexual harassment, body image issues, unhealthy relationships, toxic girl friendships, bullying, possessiveness, vague mentions to a tertiary character being on suicide watch.
> 
> The dove is not as dead as it appears, it’s just canon.
> 
> Credits:  
> \- [@falsettodrop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsettodrop/pseuds/falsettodrop) Thank you so much for spending hours beta-ing this! You're the best editor. <3  
> \- [The title is from This Is What Makes Us Girls by Lana Del Rey.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVIXLsK7Tt8) I also consider it inspo for this story.

The first time Beth sees a roll of fat on Addy, they're changing in Beth's room.

There's a sea of screaming girls one floor below, Beth's house swelling with the din of them. Her big house almost feels small, the expensive brick and glass gone paper thin against the summer heat and half the student body of Sutton Grove Middle.

It's Beth's 14th birthday party - they didn't just waltz into her house uninvited, after all - but the whole situation makes her grit her teeth in annoyance. Even locked in Beth’s room, any intimacy between them is muted by the lingering girls and Lana Cassidy slicing cucumbers for hors d'oeuvres in the kitchen.

Addy peers out the window, catches someone's eye, and waves - always the people pleaser.

Beth doesn't look at the window. She looks at Addy - specifically the way she wriggles, her tits bouncing when she jumps up and down, struggling to pull the hibiscus splotched bikini over her chest.

It's been a recurring problem all year, Addy growing out of her clothes until she looks like a Value Village Barbie made up of different-edition parts. Her heavy tits look like they belong to a completely different doll, mismatched from her princess plait and gap-toothed smile that say, "My name is Addy Hanlon and I'm selling Girl Scout Cookies for Troop Sutton Grove!"

Now, Addy was never a Girl Scout, but Beth knows she would have killed that shit if she'd been given the chance.

She dons her ‘Jailbait Hanlon’ for two weeks before retiring it. Because men ruin everything. A returning vet is the culprit, following Addy home until she notices and takes off like a shot. She sprints the three miles to Beth's house in under ten minutes, but bursts into hysterics once Beth opens the door, frightening her so bad they both sink on the porch like stones. Beth thinks _this is what animals must feel like_ , as she clutches Addy, and near-snarls, looking for the phantom menace that's scared her girl.

After that, it isn't funny anymore. What _is_ funny is getting his name from one of the junkie vets who shoot up in the Dairy Cream parking lot. Beth doesn't even have to cross her legs before he's rolling off the name and address, no loyalty between men when potential pussy is on the table.

It's super funny, getting wasted on peach schnapps and finding his house with Google Maps and her Daddy's car. The slick red coupe is easy to spot, an ostentatious blight for a town like Sutton Grove where people still drive cars from the 90's. Beth remembers the way Addy had described it - voice cracking because she was _shaking_ \- and she laughs when she hurls a raw rock through the glass. She considers cutting his tires next, but then her gut swells with genius. It also swells with hot piss that she promptly spills on to the hood of his car, humming the entire time. She tugs her shorts up when she's done and carves _I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS_ into the shiny tin, because tires can be replaced.

All of that is a lot funnier than ‘Jailbait Hanlon’ had ever been and she can't even share it without Addy shushing her, scared she's going to get arrested. As if any cop in town had the balls to even _look_ at Beth Cassidy.

"As much fun as this has been to watch," Beth says, stepping into Addy's space just so she can see her whip around and trap herself against the wall. It gives her nowhere to run, thin limbs crossed over her chest, too skinny to hide much of anything when Beth leans against her. "And trust me," Beth adds, looking her up and down, "It's been fun."

Addy turns to stone, clearly expecting her to say something cruel. It's no fun when she expects it, so Beth decides to surprise her. A birthday surprise for her favourite girl.

"You want some help, Hanlon?" Beth asks, easing up.

Addy's shoulders drop, a small smile finally appearing on her face, this time pointed at Beth.

"Yes, please," Addy says, always a good girl. She turns and offers her buttery back to Beth, the sheeny expanse smelling of mint berry apple or spring fruit punch or whatever cheap Bath and Body Works shit she'd slathered on before coming over. Beth notes to gift Addy with some nice lotion for Labor Day or some other fake summer holiday that'll surely pop up in a few weeks. She can't go into freshman year smelling like fresh _meat._

"Drop your arm," Beth says, "I can just hook the top in back here, it's way easier that way."

Addy drops her arm with no fanfare.

Beth circles the bikini around her neck and reaches under her arm to carefully pull the cups over her breasts, pushing her thumbs into the shell over the wire to situate her tits. It's less than a minute of contact but Beth rubs her clit to it for a month; Addy's tight nipples, swollen hard under her finger tips.

Beth hooks her bikini in place and taps her shoulder. She bites her lip and smiles when the touch makes Addy jump like a static shock.

"All done."

Addy turns around slowly, her hands clasped in a way that betrays her shyness. Her hands say: Addy Hanlon doesn't wear things like this. Addy Hanlon is a virgin pure. Addy Hanlon doesn't know what she looks like yet.

_But she will._

Even if she's slow to catch on, the world won't be.

"How do I look?"

"Five stars," Beth drawls, so she doesn't sound too sincere. "No complaints from this peanut gallery."

"Really?" Addy asks, before going flustered, "I mean, thanks." She tries to hide her smile, rubbing it into her shoulder until she's Beth's mirror. It doesn't suit her.

"So polite," Beth mocks, pinching her nose. Addy slaps her hand away but Beth catches it. "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Your Dad too," Addy shoots back. She goes still when Beth traces her nose and lip with a light finger. When Beth leans in, Addy's eyes flutter shut and she pouts, waiting for a kiss. The easy obedience is almost as good as her lips, Beth thinks.

She pulls on an escaped curl instead, tugging her close and inhaling.

"Actually, the peanut gallery has one criticism," Beth says, "Toss the lotion. You smell like you went into a Lush and never left."

"Come on, it's not that bad," Addy says, mashing her nose against her wrist, "It's apple berry sprig."

"Now that is _exactly_ what I thought it was called," Beth drawls, smirking when Addy looks sick of her. She tugs on her hair as punishment.

"Besides," Beth adds, twisting the curl, "I like the way you smell. Eau de Hanlon, hold the sprig."

Addy wrinkles her nose. "That's gross."

Beth shrugs, because she can't deny that. She'd lick Addy clean after every practice, if she let her.

"You know, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar," Addy says.

"That we'll have to disagree on," Beth says. People swarm to her like locusts cause she's acidic, not because she's _sweet_. "Why are you quoting idioms at me, Hanlon?"

"I'm just saying, boys like it," Addy says. As if Beth has ever cared about what anyone besides Addy thinks, much less a boy.

"Who cares about what boys like?" Beth asks, ice cold. "I'm telling you what _I_ like."

Beth's hand falls from Addy's hair, dragging her nails down Addy's long neck, and then the high curve of her breasts. When Addy's breath hitches, her hand drops to her waist.

"But if you're really worried about what the boys like, I'd worry about this first," Beth says, cruelly twisting a fold of skin tucked under the wire of her bikini. There's barely anything there, but it still bulges in Beth's pinching grip. "Boys only like having a lot to love when it's in certain places, you know." Beth releases the fat of Addy's belly and smoothes it out, deceptively gentle.

Addy gapes before shoving her back.

"You're such a bitch," she says. It comes a note too late, betraying her.

"All the winners are," Beth says, stretching out on her bed, arms behind her. That's what it's about; the rise, the power, the top.

"We're not playing, Beth!" Addy says, a little too loud.

She fumbles with her lipgloss and bronzer like a freshly shaken soda, liable to pop at any moment.

Beth watches her shatter her Becca highlighter on the floor and thinks _she's going to cry._

She might salivate. She hasn't seen Addy cry since last year.

"Fuck!"

"Whoops."

Addy kneels on the floor and tries to push the glittering slices and specks into a pile. Her hands shake and make it worse.

"Leave it," Beth says. "You can have mine."

"I...it's fine. It was gonna come off in the pool anyway. I should put on sunscreen," Addy says, abruptly. She wraps a towel around herself even though they're still inside, even though she wasn't shy a moment ago.

Beth catches the door before it shuts, eyes fixed on Addy's neck.

The milky streaks at the base give her away, her golden shoulders muted with ashy white. She's already applied sunscreen.

"I'll help you," Beth says, stepping forward.

Addy shoves the door closed even sharper, until just her head is sticking out, hair caught in the trim.

"I'm good," she snaps, "thanks."

She slams the door shut, louder than the music outside, and then it's silent. No thump of a dropped towel or click of the sunscreen bottle.

"Fine," Beth yells, "I'll see you outside then." She mimes walking to the door and lingers like a shark in the water.

As soon as Addy thinks she’s gone she turns on the shower. The pound of the water hitting the tub floor drowns out everything, purposeful.

Beth rests against the door the entire time, and thinks she hears Addy cry. Before she can find out, the water turns off, and she’s forced to retreat.

* * *

Beth is five tequila shots deep by the time Addy strides outside, walking three steps too fast and sliding behind RiRi like Beth could ever miss her.

"Hey, Hanlon," Beth says, "all sunblock'd up?"

Addy doesn't reply, mouth fixed in a sour pout. A pair of oversized turtle sunglasses hang off her face, hiding her eyes.

Beth frowns because Addy doesn't ignore her. They don't do that.

"Girl, where have you been?" RiRi asks, bumping their shoulders together, "And where did these come from?" She squeals when she grabs at Addy's breasts, giving them a generous squeeze.

"Hey," Addy says, batting her away with one hand and hiding her chest with the other. "I was just getting ready."

"And wet, it seems," Beth says, eyeing the dripping tip of Addy's braid. Addy throws it behind her back, hiding the evidence.

"Drink up," RiRi says, shoving a shot glass into Addy's hands and looking nervously at the backdoor. Beth doesn't know why. Her Mom is more liable to join them than anything else. "You've got a lot to catch up on."

"I'm catching up, I'm catching up," Addy says. She sips it with a grimace, before swallowing it whole. The other girls clap her back, goading her. RiRi takes the glass and Cori quickly replaces it.

"Relax, bitches, that was nothing," Cori quiets them. "One shot? Pussy weak."

Addy's jaw gets a hard set to it, a line that Beth loves.

"Oh yeah?" Addy says. She tosses the next one back a second too quickly. It goes down wrong, making her sputter and gag.

Cori cackles and the other girls follow suit, circling Addy like flies on roadkill.

"Wrong hole, Hanlon?" Cori asks, cocking her head. It's so big, Beth longs to lean forward and wrench it back with one firm hand wrapped around her ponytail.

Addy blushes in embarrassment but still flips Cori off, though it loses some impact when she coughs into her hand the entire time.

"You'd know all about that wouldn't you, Brisky?" Beth says. Cori goes red and the girls scream. At this point they're all well aware of her disastrous first time, her senior boyfriend putting her in the hospital for two days after nearly ripping her asshole open.

"Damn, I thought we agreed not to bring that up?" RiRi whispers in between giggles.

Beth snorts. " _You_ agreed." Beth doesn't play by anyone's rules except her own, especially when the bitch in question doesn't know how to keep her girl's name out of her mouth. And at Beth's house, no less.

She slides a hand into the small of Addy's back, guiding her towards the snack table now that Cori has been taken care of.

"You know why you gagged like a little bitch?" Beth asks. "You haven't eaten."

She slides a plate loaded with smoked salmon, cream cheese, and crackers down to her. It's the only plate on the table that's still full, the other girls choosing to pick at the cherry tomatoes and carrots instead. As they should, because Beth only asked her Mom to make these for Addy. They'd become a secret favourite of hers after she'd attended one of Bert's fundraisers as Beth's plus one. This was before they were worried about their bodies or cheer, so they hid under a low table with an entire platter and ate until their tiny tummies bulged. Beth can’t remember what it feels like now, being satiated.

"Eat," Beth orders, nudging her.

"I'm good," Addy lies, shrugging her arm off.

"They're your favourite."

"I'm fine," Addy stresses.

She reaches for a bottle of Fireball over food, but Beth pulls it away, pouring her a solo cup of murky jungle juice instead.

"Here. Might be easier on your _weak_ stomach," Beth says. She throws her head back and takes a long swig, holding Addy's gaze the entire time.

Addy glowers but takes it, circling back to the other girls but staring at Beth.

Beth saunters over after, hips following the beat of her heart.

"Oh, this birthday girl is gone," RiRi laughs when she sees Beth, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Beth leans into her, hazy from the booze but still focused on Addy. She thinks she hears Cori tell someone she's lost an earring. She knows when Cori starts to walk towards the pool to look for it.

Beth doesn't think twice before she stretches her leg out and trips her.

Cori flies higher than she's ever flown while tumbling, her shriek drowned out by the water when she falls, neck deep. The other girls scream too but not as loud as Addy who covers her mouth, looks at Beth and finally, _finally_ laughs.

"Oops," Beth says. She's proud of herself.

"She's definitely going to be feeling that one tomorrow," RiRi laughs.

"You're so bad, Beth.”

They lean over the pool and snicker until the moment drags on too long. Cori doesn't emerge from the water.

"She's not coming out. Why isn't she coming out?" Addy asks, tugging on Beth's arm.

"She's a lazy bitch, that’s why," Beth says. Addy frowns at her.

The water flutters, shutting them both up. That's when Cori bobs to the surface, her body a waxy white float.

"Oh, fuck!" Addy yells.

"Cori!?"

Brianna jumps in and after a few moments drags Cori to the surface. Snot clings to her splotchy chin, and water pours from her mouth when she coughs.

A few girls rush to help, but Cori shoves them away so she can heave on all fours, hot white puke churning out of her like a soft-serve machine.

"Jesus," Addy says, covering her mouth and turning into Beth's shoulder.

"That's sick," someone says.

"Oh, Cori," RiRi says. She crouches down and holds her hair out of her face, grimacing and turning away when she smells it.

"Okay bitches," Beth yells, "Pool party's over, get in the house."

The girls don't need to be told twice, wrapping themselves in towels and stealing plates of food as they skitter inside.

Addy stands next to Beth and looks sorry, but Beth remembers. Addy's favourite jokes are always the cruelest ones.

"Guess you were right," Beth says, "Food and swimming don't mix."

"Beth, you tripped her," Addy says, crossing her arms. "It's not the same thing."

"It was an accident," Beth says, exaggerating the word.

Addy looks unimpressed.

"Don't look so serious, Addy," Beth says. She picks up a half-eaten plate of hor d'oeuvres and waves it under Addy's nose. "Have a snack. You're not you when you're hungry."

"Don't quote Snickers at me," Addy says, but she nicks a cracker off the plate. After swallowing it down she steals five more, holding her shaky stack with two hands as she sidles past Beth and into the house.

Beth counts it as a win.

* * *

It's a muggy July night when Lana Cassidy is institutionalized for 72 hours. It's also the night they decide to watch Bring It On for the hundredth time.

"Beth, are you sure?" Addy asks, brows twisted. "We can go to the hospital, I seriously don't mind."

"What would be the point, Addy?" Beth asks, "We drive down there, sleep in the waiting room and then what? They decide to let the vulnerable minors see the unstable addict on suicide watch? No."

Beth shakes her head and laughs. Addy looks more upset than she does, and it's cute, really. Beth's known better than anyone that this was an inevitability. She didn't know when or where or _how_ , but she knew her Mom would need to get professional help eventually. At least this way, it's out of the way before tryouts start and Bert is footing the entire bill. Everyone wins, even her Mom who’s most likely doped on a heavy drug elixir at this point.

"I'm serious," Beth says, "Let's watch a movie."

Addy looks like she doesn't believe her but she huffs and says, "Fine. Kiss?"

It's a relic from their schoolyard days, the both of them chirping, "Kiss? Kiss?" at each other whenever the other was hurt. They've learned to retire it in public now, but they still do it in private, mostly at Beth’s behest.

Beth leans up and kisses her gently, trying to reassure her that she’s fine. Addy wraps her arms around her neck, puckers her lips and kisses back hard; a child's kiss.

"You still kiss like a virgin," Beth says.

"I am a virgin," Addy says. She hasn't learned to be embarrassed by that yet.

They swarm the kitchen, upturning every box and tin, but the only thing left unspoiled is a plastic bag of semi-stale cold cuts and a 2L bottle of Coke from 2017. By contrast, the alcohol cabinet is wide and colourful. Beth isn't picky so she lets Addy pluck a cheap amber bottle from the bottom shelf, pouring it into the Coke pitcher until it looks like pine honey.

They curl up together on the couch, their sad snacks housed against the curve of Addy's belly. Beth nestles behind her as they gorge on glossy sugar-glazed cuts, washing them down with their honey concoction and then out again into bunched up napkins leftover from Beth's birthday party.

"What kind of cheerleader do you wanna be like? You know, when we start at Sutton Grove," Addy asks, not even deigning to turn back to look at Beth, her eager eyes chasing Kirstin Dunst's bouncing blonde tail and jutting hip. That's the entire point of watching a movie but it makes the blood under Beth's skin itch, urging her to pick and scratch at the both of them until Addy is looking at her again.

The itch has overlain her entire life but it's gotten more insistent as she's gotten older, like catcalling men that hang out of slick cars and red spots that threaten to replace the golden crown on her head.

She's sure her Mom would write it off as _puberty_. Her Dad has already written her off as a 'hormonal teen' with ‘lady issues' after his embarrassing attempt to give her the talk ended in disaster, like she hasn't been sucking dick since last year.

"Why?" Beth asks. She deliberately seeps into the last open crook of Addy's body besides her snatch, breath hot on her ear like a bite without teeth.

"You wanna be my Mary Jane?" she whispers, smiling when Addy shivers. "I didn't know blondes were your thing." There's a hint of insecurity there and she hates it. She hates that she'd shove Addy away right now and climb on her bike to head to the local CVS if Addy said she had a thing for blonde broads.

Luckily, Addy doesn't say that.

"No! I was just asking. I'm not stupid enough to look for cheer models in some _ancient_ movie," Addy laughs, elbowing Beth back into the couch. Beth gives it as good as she gets, sliding her hand up Addy's legging clad thigh and sinking her nails into the meat. Addy gasps like a balloon that's been punctured, a whine escaping until she deflates.

It's not so different from how they used to play as kids, sweaty little fingers slipping off monkey bars and raw knees hooked together. At least until Beth tricked Addy into falling first.

She was always able to trick Addy into falling first. It's Beth's most vivid recurring memory, hanging from the monkey bars with Addy staring up at her at six, seven, eight, nine. Her short curls are full of wood chips and dirt, and then they’re not because she learns how to straighten and tie it up. Pigtails first, and then hair clips that soon get traded in for practical scrunchies and headbands.

Now, there are no monkey bars. There are varnished acrylic nails pinching at thick folds of skin, looking for a crime. There are heavy words, cruelly weighing on each other's bruises to prove that they know each other better than anyone else.

There's no blood or dirt between them anymore, but Beth feels like an open wound. She feels like they're not playing anymore, but somehow she's the one falling.

"I want to be the best, obviously. A Beth Cassidy original," Beth says, "You never want to be _like_ anyone, Addy. Once they have someone else's name in their mouth, you're already second best."

"Oh," Addy replies after a moment. "Yeah. You're right, I guess."

She sounds embarrassed at being undercut so swiftly, a little hurt. She gets that way now, taking everything Beth says in the worst way.

 _Must be puberty,_ Beth thinks, sardonically.

It's annoying but Beth thinks she likes it more than she should, being able to hurt Addy easier than anyone else in the world and then make it better again.

" _I'm_ right, _I_ know," Beth amends, patting Addy's arm where it's gone sticky from their shared body heart. Addy doesn't respond and that's unacceptable.

Beth reaches for the bag by Addy's hip, pulling out a strip of pink flesh and pressing it to her mouth as a peace offering. When Addy stubbornly keeps her mouth shut, Beth curls around her and pecks at her jaw. Addy pulls away, hiding her face.

"Don't be a bitch," Beth says, kindly. "Give me a kiss."

"That's not how you're supposed to ask for it," Addy says, blushing, but she twists around and kisses Beth anyway, whimpering in surprise when Beth digs her teeth into her bottom lip and _bites_.

She moans in protest and rips herself away, rolling over so Beth's next biting kiss accidentally lands against the back of her neck.

"You can't hurt someone during a kiss," Addy pants, "That's not how they...that’s now how we work." The entire point of their little game was that kisses healed, soothing any grievance between them when they couldn't find the words. Beth’s been cheating at them for awhile now, turning them into something sharp and wanton whenever Addy gives her a chance.

"Oh, babe," Beth pants, struggling to regain some composure. She presses one kiss to the back of Addy’s neck, this time on purpose. "One day, I'm going to teach you about so many different kinds of kisses."

Addy shivers but doesn't goad her for them, staring intently at the screen as Beth slides a hand under her shirt, and rests it against her trembling stomach.

They finish the movie lying like that, Beth feeding the rest of the cold cuts to Addy while Addy spits meat into tissues and sips on boozy Coke. The nonexistent space between their hips runs electric, Addy twitching every time Beth presses against her ass, pretending to shift to grab the remote control or the Coke pitcher. 

At some point Beth tries to water her, and fails spectacularly. Dark soda ends up pooling in the precious hollow of Addy's throat, the hollow that trembles when she groans and dabs at her chest with meaty napkins, and then when she _ews_ because she used meaty napkins.

It's impossible to water her in the position that they're in but it's what Beth wants to try again the most, next time with Addy in sight.

She's sucked her own fair share of cock, already marked with a scarlet-letter that most incoming freshmen can't rival, but she's never been on the other end before. Hearing Addy choke around the mouth of the bottle, chasing it but also trying to get away, because _It's getting everywhere, Beth, stop!_ is what she thinks it must feel like. She wants to push the bottle deeper until Addy gags, and suddenly she knows exactly what all those boys must have been thinking when they did the same thing to her.

As Addy bends over to spit out her last mouthful of meat, Beth shakes her head, liquid heat pooling between her thighs when Addy moans gratefully and finally swallows - all because Beth gave her permission.

Beth leans over and drags her finger through the honey glaze on Addy's full cheek before popping it into her mouth. She sucks for a long time, biting the nail raw to make sure she's dredged away all of Addy's sweetness.

"You're a little glutton, Hanlon. What do you think the coach is gonna think? When you roll in there with a big head and a little kangaroo pouch."

"Come on Beth, I only really ate like four pieces," Addy complains, waving her off. She still looks down at her stomach and smooths out the fabric of her T-shirt, looking for folds that aren't there.

Beth wraps an arm around her, enclosing her hand with hers, stilling her.

"Watch the movie," she says, and surprisingly, she means it.

* * *

By August, the clock starts ticking.

They only have a month to get ready for tryouts and it bears down on them like the late summer sun, searing and relentless. Lazy movie nights are traded in for long practice sessions - ones that leave Addy irritated and Beth ravenous. They tumble together every day, rising and falling until their knees become shiny purple twins.

Today is no different.

"Again," Beth barks.

They've been at it since nine, tossing each other like sacks on the shiny green turf of Beth's backyard. At some point Addy had given up, collapsing on the ground to mouth at her water bottle.

"Beth, you're going to hurt yourself," Addy says.

She's been trying to nail her back tuck all afternoon, and nearly cracking her head open every single time.

"No, I'm not," Beth says, her limbs and blood on fire. "I'm gonna nail it. I'm gonna fucking nail it!"

She flips at the same time Addy gasps. Addy's screaming by the time she hits the ground.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Addy says, somewhere by Beth's head.

Her head throbs and she can't move from where laid out on the grass, but she grins.

"Fuck," Beth suddenly winces, reaching up to gingerly touch her temple.

"Yeah, _fuck_ , Beth," Addy says, edging into hysterical. "Are you okay? Shit."

Addy grabs Beth's cheeks and rocks her head back and forth to check her pupils. Like Addy knows anything about caring for the sick and wounded. Beth watched her use a sock as a makeshift bandage as Tumbling Camp just last year.

"What's the verdict, Nurse Hanlon?" That's a nice thought; Addy in a nurse's costume. Beth plays along, going limp so Addy has a reason to stroke her brow and hold her. She's the perfect patient.

"Does your head hurt?" Addy ignores her. "Are your ears ringing?"

"Yeah," Beth says, "It hurts real bad."

"Really!?"

"Uh huh," Beth says, nodding solemnly. She twists, flipping Addy on to her back with an _oomph_ , Beth straddling her. "The thing is, it only really starts to hurt when you talk."

She covers Addy's mouth with one hand. Addy glares up at her.

"Well heavens to betsy, I must be cured."

Addy licks her hand, expecting her to let go in disgust. Beth's always known Addy better.

"Oh yeah, babe. Get me real wet," Beth says.

Addy shoves her hand away then, laughing.

"Gross," Addy giggles.

"Never said I wasn't," Beth says. She licks Addy's saliva from her hand, trying to look like a house cat grooming itself instead of a wild animal chasing the taste of Addy. She must not do a very good job because Addy's smile wilts, gone soft like she's thinking.

"You're gonna nail it, you know," Addy reassures her, surprisingly sincere. "It might not be today or tomorrow, but it'll happen soon. You're you, Beth." She says that a lot, like Beth's existence, makes anything possible. Beth isn't so sure, when the thing she wants most slips through her fingers everyday.

Addy leans in and kisses her innocently, proving her point.

"I didn't ask for a kiss that time," Beth says, surprised but charmed, her lips tingling.

"I know." Addy shrugs. "I just also know you're full of shit and your head hurts like a bitch right now," she says, and Beth loves her.

Beth kisses her back harder than she usually would, biting at her lips until Addy moans into her mouth and beats against her chest.

" _Tomorrow, tomorrow!_ " Addy gasps, a string of silver saliva connecting them. Addy bats it away, and rests her hands against Beth's chest, both of their hearts racing. "Seriously, you're not an animal Beth."

Beth isn't sure, not when Addy outstretches a hand to touch her face and instead of wanting a touch, she wants a taste. She settles for kissing the hollow of Addy's hand, before nuzzling into it.

When she looks up, Addy's eyes have gone glazed, both from desire and heat. Beth sees and wants to kiss her again.

"Remember," Addy says, voice low, like they're somewhere quiet that demands it. "They couldn’t put Humpty together again."

"A nursery rhyme this time? Really?" Beth drawls, leaning into her warm hand.

"Beth."

"Fi- _ne_ ," Beth sighs, feigning at being put upon. "It's not like we were getting anywhere anyway."

They lie on top of each other and look, but don't move.

"Don't you want to go inside?" Addy asks, tentative. It's almost like she's scared, though Beth can't imagine why. She's right here.

"Yeah," Beth says before she kisses her, gently. "In a bit."

They end up staying outside until dark, languidly kissing and curling together like the sleepy blossoms in Beth's garden.

* * *

By the time September rolls around, they're both members of the Sutton Grove cheer squad.

They're fresh meat - there to be strung out, beaten, and molded into whatever form their captain wants. Stacy Higgins is the captain of the hour, a mean sour bitch with a bird beak that makes her stand out in a line up, even without the extra eight inches she has on Beth.

Beth can respect a mean bitch. She can even respect an ugly one, if she can cheer. But Stacy can't even do that, embarrassing the entire town with her recent fuck up at the state fair. Her thigh had cramped while attempting her bow and arrow, and she'd fallen like a very red, very tall domino, bringing the rest of her team down with her.

None of them were there, but it's all over Youtube, the local kids editing the embarrassing moment into TikToks and remixes that reach far outside Sutton Grove, ensuring Stacy is finished once she graduates. Beth's personal favourite is a pixelated remix called, 'Dumb bitch takes a tumble.' She appreciates the simplicity.

The fair was over two months ago but Stacy is still bursting with false bravado and something to prove, so she orders the new girls to run suicides for hours. Her only reprieve is that they can stop...only after they've all puked.

Beth holds out the longest and wants to hold on even longer, but she takes one look at Addy's sweaty lolling head, crams her fingers down her throat and _pukes_.

With Beth finally down, they're all allowed to stop, dropping and rolling on the hot cement, too tired to care about their tacky skin burning.

But not Beth. Instead, she stands tall, looks at Stacy Higgins' ugly mug and thinks, _I'm going to eat you alive one day, you haggard old bitch._

* * *

After the initiation rite from hell most of the girls want to go home, but not RiRi, who whines and drags her feet like a kid, begging Beth to drive them to the Dairy Cream for shakes.

"Addy wants to go too, Beth! Look, she's starving."

Addy grunts noncommittally when RiRi shakes her limp arm. She looks like death baked over.

"Sorry, Ri," Beth says, braiding her arm with Addy's. "I don't think ice-cream is what this one's hungry for."

Addy pushes her head into her neck like an eager cat, and Beth softens. She turns her head and kisses her forehead fondly. The parking lot is empty enough for it not to matter.

RiRi rolls her eyes, but falls back. She knows her place and it's why Beth likes her best, after Addy of course.

RiRi knows her girl comes first. The others are a lot dumber, but Beth still has three whole years to train them, on all fours like the bitches that they are.

"Next time," RiRi says, pointing at Beth. "Promise me."

"I've already got chocolate banana smoothie with your name on it," Beth says. "I just got to do the buying part."

RiRi kisses the air next to her cheek and waves as she turns the corner, heading for the bus stop.

"Okay," Beth says, urging Addy's head up, "come on, let's go."

They walk with their hands swinging between them, like they used to do everyday as kids. Beth doesn't know when they stopped. She suddenly feels sad for the younger Beth who held her best friend's hand one day and didn't know it would be the last.

When they get to the car, Addy immediately burrows herself into the crook of the door, using the window as a pillow.

"Hey," Beth says, feeling oddly sentimental.

She's only going to tell Addy to put her seat back because her head's sure to slam into the glass when Beth starts driving. Instead, Addy wordlessly stretches her hand and interlaces her fingers with Beth's over the gearshift.

Beth's scared she'll let go so she tightens her grip and says nothing.

Addy doesn't stir. Not when Beth pulls into her driveway, or when she crouches down in front of her and shakes her knee.

Beth brushes her fingers up the inside of her thighs, and that wakes her up like a shot. She winces right after, reaching between her legs, where Beth's thumb is jabbing.

"Does it still hurt?" Beth asks. Addy's legs are a match for Beth's bad shoulder, going sore before any other part of her body.

"Yeah," Addy hisses, standing and forcing Beth's hands to fall away. " _Fucking_ Stacy." "She'll get what's coming to her," Beth says, following Addy into the house. "Tick tock, tick tock."

"Right," Addy laughs, but it comes out forced. "Only four more months before Stacy is history."

She gets uncomfortable now, when Beth talks about the future. When Beth will be the cheer captain and Addy will be at her side, as always.

Addy kicks her shoes in a corner as she walks into Beth's room, rolling her socks into a little ball and tugging off her shorts until she's just in a sports bra and boy shorts. She wriggles under the covers next, pulling Beth's blush comforter up to her neck.

Beth leans in the doorway and watches, too riveted to move.

"Come on," Addy says, "I want to nap."

"Nap?" Beth near-laughs. "It's half past five, Hanlon. We're grown ups."

"We're fifteen," Addy reminds her. Beth can't see her face but she imagines she's rolling her eyes.

"I suppose this time I can allow it." She climbs into bed still dressed. Usually after practice they head to each other's houses to practice even more, but after today, even Beth needs a break.

Wrapping her arms around Addy's waist, she spoons her. She loves the way it makes her sigh happily, finally quiet because Beth is.

They're silent for a few moments, just breathing, before Addy moans and wriggles and not in a good way. Beth sits up, twisting to look at her. Her face is screwed up in discomfort.

"Babe," Beth says, snapping her fingers. Addy opens her eyes, blinking up at her and looking annoyed. "Does your leg still hurt?"

"I already told you yes," Addy grumbles, the sentence slurred and simple now that she's fallen asleep.

"Hang on."

Beth reaches over, pulling a tacky bottle of almond oil from her bedside drawer. She pearls the silky oil in her warm hands and Addy doesn't wake. Not when Beth tugs the covers to her knees or when she situates herself between them.

"Oh!" Addy gasps, eyes flying open. Her legs try to seize together, but they're already tight in Beth's grip, forced still by her massaging hands.

"Easy," Beth says, "I'm just going to make you feel better."

She feels almost wicked when she presses her thumb in again, and Addy moans.

"You're making it worse," Addy complains.

"You can't get pleasure, without a little bit of pain," Beth says, cryptically, before digging her fingers in one final time, until Addy's thighs felt like freshly beaten dough.

Beth drags her hands away and looks up at her. "Does it hurt now?"

Addy stretches her leg to check and it goes so smoothly, it's as if that hellish initiation rite hadn't happened at all.

"It feels better," Addy says, surprised.

"See?" Beth says, proud of herself. "Told you I could do it."

She pecks the inside of Addy's thigh, because that's where she's laying. But it's Addy's reaction that makes her kiss there again, her now free thighs seizing up and revealing the wet heart-shaped mound on the seat of her boy shorts.

"Addy Hanlon," Beth says, smiling even wider when Addy shivers from her virgin kiss, flushing pink. "You little slut."

"Shut up," Addy says, trying to close her legs and failing because Beth is lying between them. "You were lying on top of me and...touching me. I couldn't help it."

"Do you usually get wet?" Beth asks. She sounds almost hungry at the thought, her tongue salivating. "When I touch you?"

She slides her hand between Addy's legs, tracing the little wet strip with one broad swath of her thumb.

"Because we've been giving each other massages since PeeDee Tumbling Camp, Hanlon. Was I getting you wet back then too?" It’s a tantalizing thought, Addy soaking her little panties way back then, all because Beth gave her a fucking massage.

Addy moans helplessly into her pillow, and doesn't answer. Beth thinks this is probably the first time she's even gotten close to coming, her entire body twitching just because Beth rubbed her pussy a little. It doesn't stop the fantasy that Beth shares next.

"Did you shove your fingers up here after I left?" Beth asks, sinking her thumb into Addy's cunt through the thin, flimsy cotton. "I remember you'd go to bed early those nights, after I massaged you, because you were _sore_ ," Beth mocks. "If only I'd known what you were really doing. Tell me, when you were stuffing your cunt with your fingers, did you pretend they were mine instead?”

"Ugh, you are such a _bitch_ , Beth," Addy moans, pulling her face from the pillow to glare up at her.

"I'm just trying to make sense of when you became such a wanton, little-"

"I've never touched myself before, okay!?" She sounds naked just saying it, even with her clothes still on.

"You can’t be serious,” Beth snorts, looking down at her. How gullible does Addy think she is?

She's about to laugh but Addy frowns up at her and she stops.

"Oh, Addy," Beth rubs her cunt almost apologetically, rubbing at her entrance until the fabric starts to slide from all the slick.

Addy moans helplessly, her hips chasing Beth’s hand. It’s so futile, Beth takes pity on her.

"Can I take these off?" Beth asks. She’s already hooked two fingers through the soaked crotch of it.

"Yeah, I gues-" Addy barely gets it out before Beth is wrenching them down her ankles and lowering herself so she can look at her pussy. She's suddenly very grateful that Addy wanted to nap at half past five, when the afternoon sun still lends Beth some light.

What it shows her is Addy's cunt, the lips rosy and swollen, both from Beth's insistent rubbing and her own eager grinding.

"You still haven't come," Beth says, frowning as she splits Addy open on her fingers, and stretches out her tight, wet pussy. "My poor girl."

"Nnn," Addy gurgles, drooling a bit on to her pillow when Beth gently laves at her entrance, licking her clean. It turns into a scream when Beth turns that same attention to her clit, sucking at it like a hard candy.

Beth’s literally broken a girl’s arm in her hands, and this makes her feel more powerful. The salty tang of Addy gushing onto her tongue, and crying out something that sounds like a protest, even as she grinds back onto Beth’s face like a slut.

She wants to make Addy cry more, so she hooks her finger upwards, searching for her sweet spot.

"Beth!" Addy cries, when she hits it. Beth pauses before sinking her fingers against the spot, again and again, drunk off the matching squeaks that escape Addy’s mouth when she does. "Beth, it's too much. It's too much."

"That's the first time I've heard those words," Beth taunts. She licks deep into Addy's pussy until she squeals from the wriggling unfamiliar sensation. "Thirteen hours of cheer practice but it's two fingers and my tongue in your pussy that makes you say, _Beth, it's too much_."

Addy doesn't say those words again.

Not when Beth buries her head between her thighs, sinking her tongue in and out of Addy's pussy until it gets so slick and slippery, she has to shake her head to really make her feel it. And certainly not when Beth rubs at her clit, slowly but consistently, until she comes crying with two fingers and Beth's hot tongue buried deep inside her wet cunt.

Addy squirts all over the bed, soaking Beth's hand and Addy's ruined underthings that lie under them.

" _Fuck_ ," Beth says in awe, as Addy keeps squirting, her hips twitching and her throat whining with every new wave.

"Oh, you're so good," Beth says, fingers firm as Addy spills out onto her hand, "You're so good and wet, baby."

"Uh huh," Addy whines, so Beth assumes that she's heard her.

As she shakes and falls apart on her fingers, Beth thinks, _this is mine._

When she's finally still, Beth drags her hand up to her mouth and licks it - out of pure curiosity, more than anything else - and it's as sweet as she expects. She sucks the finger clean and is about to sink back in for more, when Addy promptly starts to tear up.

"Hey," Beth says, her heart dropping in her chest. Usually, Addy’s tears are something she craves, wet glittering proof of Beth’s control over her, but not like this. Not right after Beth’s had her.

"What's wrong?" She cups Addy's cheek and forces her to look at her.

"I...all over the bed," Addy says, uselessly. Beth doesn't know what she means until she thinks about what this might look like to someone who's never even touched themselves before.

"It's not pee, babe," Beth laughs, rubbing away Addy's tears. "Here." She presses her a finger to Addy's lip that she stubbornly purses shut.

"Open," Beth orders, in a sing-song voice.

Addy does, her lips parting so Beth can slide one Addy-soaked finger inside.

Her own thighs clench together at the sight and she has to assure herself, _next time_ , as she drags her finger out of Addy's hot little mouth.

"See? You just squirted."

Addy smacks her lips, tasting herself, and it makes Beth want to crawl under her so Addy can taste her like that. But Addy is already starting to nod off, her head lolling into Beth's hand, even though she isn't wearing any pants.

"Unbelievable," Beth says, the bounds of Addy's naivety never ceasing to amaze her. She picks up Addy's boy shorts and heads for the washroom, tossing them in the basket. She washes her hands as soon as she’s done.

When she climbs into bed it's with a spare pair of Addy's panties, and a towel that she struggles to roll Addy on top of before settling her. She pulls her panties up last, resisting the urge to give her cherry cunt one last, parting kiss as she does.

"You are unbelievable," Beth repeats, the words markedly softer when they're whispered into Addy's hair.

Addy only snuffles, dead asleep.

Beth holds her for a long time, and just watches. She’s scared that if she closes her eyes, Addy will fade away, like a mirage that only exists in her head. When she starts to feel heavy and real in her arms, Beth finally falls asleep. For the first time, with her heart tucked away next to her in her bed.

* * *

The day after, Addy heads to school early.

It's something she never does, and certainly not after an impromptu sleepover. She texts Beth at half past five, telling her that she's going in early to practice and that she'll see her after homeroom.

There's no chance of that happening on any other day, but the day after Beth finally got her fingers inside her? Fat chance.

She heads over early too and knows exactly where to find her.

Addy's stretched out on a dusty locker room bench, pink fingertip barely touching the top of her sneaker. She looks exactly the same, even though everything’s changed. Beth lingers in the shadows and watches, before crouching down behind her. She squeaks like a farm mouse when Beth digs matching hooks into her soft sides and bites the air next to her ear.

"Beth!"

"Morning, lover."

"Holy shit," Addy rests her hand against her chest like a Victorian lady, before shoving Beth, sliding her down the bench. "You scared me, what the hell! Nobody comes here this early, I thought you some creep here to spy on high school girls."

Beth’s arm burns where Addy touched her. She thinks Addy’s hand must burn too, because she blushes and wipes it on her thigh. Her fingers skirt the divets that Beth had dug into her waist, but she drops them when she realizes what she’s doing. 

The points where they touch each other have always been hot, but now they’re on fire. The locker room is even muggier than usual.

"Who says I'm not?" Beth asks, all teeth.

Addy doesn't grace her with a response, tightening her laces, and avoiding her eyes. Beth lets her for a few long moments, searing eyes into the side of her face.

"You still sore?" Her skin starts to itch the longer Addy ignores her. It's the same itch that makes her want to pick until they both bleed, the itch she feels every time Addy tries to slip away from her. The itch that says, _it doesn't matter if you don’t love me because you're mine, mine, mine._

"Why would I be sore?" Addy bites back, roping her laces so tight, the skin of her ankle starts to bulge.

Beth rests her hand on the ankle, enclosing it.

"That's generally what happens after you get fucked - "

Addy rips her leg out of her hold like Beth's grip is burning.

"We didn't... _fuck_ ," Addy tries to snap but stumbles over the last word.

It's such blatant bullshit, Beth throws her head back and laughs.

"Oh," Beth says, faltering when Addy just frowns at her. "You're serious."

Addy crosses her arms. "Of course I'm serious, Beth."

Beth's teeth turn sharp, urging her to bite and tear. If Addy's going to deny her after crying out for her just yesterday, it's what she deserves. 

"Well," Beth says, "I must have just dreamt it all then."

Addy watches her cautiously, as she should.

"You coming over to _my_ house, getting into _my_ bed," Beth starts, "...and then squirting all over _my_ fingers because you'd never even stuck a hand in your own panties before."

She’s crude on purpose and doesn’t say a word about how she held Addy for hours after, because she couldn’t believe she was real, because she felt like a dream come true. Beth brings her fingers to her nose and inhales, savouring the way Addy goes pink even though she's obviously washed since then.

"Nope, definitely still smells like your pussy."

Addy bats her hand from her face, scandalized.

"It was a mistake," Addy says. "I was tired and horny and...you're my best friend, Beth."

Beth stiffens. The high she was riding from the night before, finally sinking in her stomach.

_So this is how Addy wants to play it?_

Addy says _you're my best friend_ like, _you were just there_. Like any warm body would have done. Beth knows that isn't true. Not just for her but that anyone could have made Addy come as hard as Beth did. Even before touching her, Beth knew Addy's body better than even Addy did. Even before all of it, Addy’s body already belonged to her.

"Take it back," Beth spits.

"What?"

"It was a lot of things. But it wasn't a mistake," she says, fighting to keep her voice from shaking. She won't let Addy call one of the best moments of her life a mistake.

Addy bites her lip and looks sad, because that's all she knows how to do. God forbid, she actually takes some responsibility for once in her life. Beth would hate her if she didn't love her so much.

"It doesn't matter what it was," Addy whispers, "because it's never happening again."

* * *

It keeps happening.

One day, it's Addy on her knees, cluelessly lapping at Beth's pussy while Beth holds her head still and tells her what's good.

(It's markedly better than choking Addy with a water bottle, and makes Beth feel like a God.)

Another day, it's Addy muffling whimpers into her hands while Beth fingerfucks her during a movie. She licks her fingers clean in between bites of salty popcorn, that Addy wisely doesn't touch.

(The movie is two hours and nine minutes long, but if you asked, Beth wouldn't even know the title.)

Some days, it's just Addy lying on her back, Beth lazily laving at her soft nipples, that have poured out of her too-small camisole. She has her thumb pressed to her clit the entire time, rubbing her until she's crying just because she can. Beth suckles at her nipples long after Addy's come, rolling the nubs in her mouth until Addy begs her to stop.

(Beth likes those days the most, when she feels like she thoroughly _owns_ Addy, able to fuck and suck every part of her for hours because they don't have anywhere else to be.)

Today it's Beth perched on Addy's lap, the two crammed on one chair as the rest have been appropriated for the school spirit fair, clustered around plastic tables and bristol board signs that are twice as tacky as theirs.

They're selling face paintings for tokens and badly, both of their faces tacked with butterflies that look like cars, as evidence.

"It's so ugly, just give up. I gave up," Addy says, while Beth hovers over her, trying to fix her face with only one wet finger and a paintbrush.

"Ye of little faith. Makeup can work wonders, trust me," Beth says, fixing the butterfly so it at least looks like it has wings. "Here." She snaps a quick pic with her iPhone and turns the screen to face Addy.

"Oh, you fixed it," Addy says, a smile blossoming on her face. "You really, really fixed it. She wraps her arms around Beth's waist, nuzzling her head into her neck, narrowly avoiding her freshly painted cheek. She carefully kisses Beth's bare cheek. "Thank you."

Beth hums in acknowledgment, her thighs seizing up and rocking back into Addy's lap at the weight of her arms around her.

"Don't you think I deserve a reward?" Beth asks, "For being so helpful."

She grabs Addy's hand, pulling it under the table. Addy holds it and smiles, not understanding Beth's meaning until she pulls it between her thighs, under her skirt.

"I mean, look," Beth rocks forward so Addy's hand is trapped between her thighs, her right and middle knuckles pressed firm against her clit. She puts a hand on Addy's cheek and traces her work. "These actually look like wings now, thanks to me."

"Beth," Addy starts, slowly, "What are you doing?"

"I'm coming on to you," Beth says, "I want to come, and you have until the school play ends to get me there. It should be finished any minute now."

Addy's eyes dart up and down the halls and Beth's observation is right, they're the only table still occupied and the only ones in the hallway. The only other sign of life is the muffled sound of cheery singing in the distance, echoes of the school play.

"Tick- _tock_ ," Beth's moans, when Addy finally takes her seriously, pushing her cotton panties aside to rub at her clit, her middle finger sliding along the seam of her already wet cunt.

"You’re such a brat sometimes! You can't always have what you want when you want it, Beth," Addy says, even as she strums her fingers inside of her, doing exactly what Beth asked. "If we get caught and suspended, what do you think my Mom is gonna say!?"

She pours all her frustration into Beth, stripping her clit so hard it must burn red under her skirt which rustles loudly with each slap of Addy's wet hand.

Her fingers are clumsy and unskilled, only hitting their mark half the time, but it’s the fact that it’s Addy pawing uselessly between her legs that gets her soaked.

“Is that okay?” Addy asks, shyly. “Do you think you can come like this?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Beth moans, voice deep and raspy like a porn star.

Addy shivers at the sound of her voice, but keeps at it, nervously eyeing the halls with every thrust. When Beth curls back to look at her, there’s pink high on her cheeks.

"You’re so good at this, Addy," Beth groans. Addy whimpers in response, her fingers twitching, before speeding up because she’s eager to please even when she doesn’t know what she’s doing. "Fuck!" Her voice goes shaky as she imagines what she must look like, Addy's fingers pumping away under her skirt. Queen Bitch Beth Cassidy, turned public whore for Addy Hanlon's fingers.

"Is this...is this what it felt like, you know, with all the guys?" Addy asks. It doesn't even sound like dirty talk from her, coming out as a genuine question, and that's what makes it hot.

"Never," Beth pants. "Trust me, it never felt anything like this."

She reaches back and digs a hand deep in Addy's hair, kissing her with her tongue out and mouth open, if you can even call what they're doing kissing. They're knocked out of sync by the sharp sound of applause from the auditorium, indicating the end of the play.

She gasps when Addy speeds up out of panic, her eyes obsessively fixed on the end of the hall. The more on edge she gets, the faster her fingers thrust, the digits making lewd wet noises as they fuck her pussy.

Beth falls apart like that, stretched out on Addy's lap and her fingers, but with Addy looking somewhere else.

She doesn't have time to get emotional about it because the play lets out right about then and Addy is forced to wipe her hand on the inside of Beth's thigh, helping Beth stand on shaky legs before she shakes hands with a possible donor for the school.

Bert shows her off and preens, at least until he gets close enough to smell the stench of sex on her, covering his face and waving her off, telling to go back to her Mother, since she wants to be like her so much.

Asshole.

They decide to ditch the spirit fair early, sporting their ugly face paintings and maroon uniforms like crowns as they peel out of the parking lot, hurling water balloon after water balloon, at one Bert Cassidy's car.

* * *

Beth eats Stacy sooner than any of them expect and becomes cheer captain in the thrumming heat of June, right before school lets out.

The return policy on Stacy’s prom dress hasn’t even expired yet.

* * *

Beth feels like she's on top of the world.

She doesn't think she'll ever experience a high better than this, the entire town screaming for her and her best girl by her side. And all before sixteen, something never done before in Sutton Grove cheer history.

She still feels high on winning when she actually gets high, blowing out rings of white smoke as Addy watches in wonder, already stoned herself.

"How did you do that?" Addy asks.

"They're O rings, babe," Beth says. She demonstrates again, smiling fondly when Addy tries to copy her and fails.

"She's cute," a deep voice comments.

Beth stiffens, icy blues sliding to the sad stoner who gave them the weed. The stoners that give away weed just for the company of girls who don't care about them, are always the saddest ones. He's a tired middle aged man with desperate eyes, looking for his youth in girls young enough to be his daughters. Beth knows his type well - it's why she was able to spot him and score the weed so quick.

Pretty girls never, _ever_ smoke their own weed, on principle, but standing next to this man, Beth wishes she'd broken her own rule just this one time.

They're at Lanvers to celebrate Beth's game - and it was Beth's game, regardless of what anyone else might say. It was her first game as cheer captain, her first game as top girl, and the last game of the football season. Never done before and legendary, just like her.

"She is," Beth says, wrapping a hand around Addy's waist, her hold possessive.

She considers telling him off, or letting him know Addy is taken, even if she doesn't know by what yet, but then she remembers where they are and who she is.

"But I'm cuter," Beth says, leaning into the man's face to thumb at his leathery chin. It's speckled with black stubble that matches the thinly cropped hair on his head. He's not young, but this is the first time he'll be shipping out. A fresh recruit. That’s why he’s here, Beth figures, hoping for a chance to fiddle a high school girl before he gets his shit rocked in Iraq.

"You are," the man laughs, quickly losing attention in Addy and proving he isn't worth her time. Men are so predictable.

"What's your name?" he asks.

"Elizabeth," she says, because she's never going to see this ugly fuck again.

They chat about nothing in particular, the kind of things that you can only talk about with a creepy old man in between puffs of pot.

At some point, Addy wanders away, shooting Beth a little wave as Brianna or someone else, pulls her into a shadowy crowd. It's been almost fifteen minutes since then, and that's when Beth finally gets free of the creep with the weed, quickly locating RiRi's high pony in the cramped crowd.

"RiRi!" she greets, wrapping her arms around her. A few other girls yell greetings at Beth and she receives them, waving with one hand.

"Hey girl," RiRi says, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Have you seen Addy?" 

RiRi gives her a dry, unimpressed look. "Is that really the second thing out of your mouth, after my name?"

Beth stares at her, nonplussed.

RiRi rolls her eyes and sighs. "She went into the woods with Brady," she says, " _Jones_."

"Jones?" Beth has to focus really hard to even remember who she's referring too. He's just another blonde corn fed hick from downtown Sutton Grove, only landing a spot on the field because one of the linemen threw his back out before the final game. Nondescript, boring, and mediocre. Why would Addy be with him?

Beth still stumbles towards where RiRi points, the weed and the highs and the lows of the night making everything take a wavy, surreal lilt.

She doesn't have to go far because Addy stumbles out from just beyond the trees, drunk and mid-laugh like Beth hasn't been looking for her.

"Where were you?" Beth asks, too harsh for two in the morning, on a Friday night.

"I was just getting some air," Addy laughs, before she sees the overly serious look on Beth's face. "Seriously? Chill."

"We're already outside," Beth hisses, "And I was looking for you and then RiRi said you were hanging with Brady fucking-"

And that's when it happens. Brady Jones, emerges from the trees behind Addy, and like a fucking imbecile, a stray branch thwacks him in the face. He touches a shaky hand to his shiny lips, before his sore head, and Beth _knows_.

"Hey Jones," Beth snaps, striding over to him, "I was actually just looking for you."

She pulls him in by the lapel of his flannel, kissing him wet and fast to the roar of the crowd, everyone too drunk and horny to notice or even wonder why Beth fucking Cassidy is tonguing down Brady Jones. Everyone except Addy, who stands there suddenly looking incredibly sober.

Beth puts on a show just for her, refusing to look away as she licks the last of Addy's cunt from Brady's lips.

"Mmm," she moans, when she breaks the kiss, a tad too breathy. She wants it to sound like she's considering, not like she wants to chase the tang back to the source.

"You know you're actually a pedestrian kisser but - your mouth. Your mouth tastes like shit, Jones," Beth says, with drama, "What _have_ you been eating?"

She covers his mouth, and turns his head towards Addy.

"What do you think he's been eating, Hanlon?"

She's not expecting Addy to say, "My pussy," even though that's the truth. Addy knows that if she tries to get smart, Beth will yell it twice as loud.

"We're leaving," Addy insists, grabbing her arm and dragging her away from Brady. Beth links her arm with hers, playing at being sober and pliant. "I want chicken fingers."

"And I was just craving some hot fries," Beth says. "What a lucky coincidence."

She noogies a dazed Brady Jones with one arm before Addy drags her from the crowd and towards the jeep, a teal blue blot in the night.

"I'm driving," Addy says, climbing into the driver's seat before Beth can.

"You sure you want to after what went down in the forest? I figured you'd be too sore to sit down, much less drive-"

Addy slams the door shut and throws Beth's keys into the black dirt, turning like she's going to march back into the party, abandoning Beth to the night.

Beth huffs, rolling her eyes at the theatrics.

_You don’t have the pussy to walk away from me._

"Hey," Beth yells, leaning down to snatch her keys, and hanging off the car door. "Where do you think you're going? We're getting chicken fingers and fries, remember? I'm driving."

She climbs in and Addy follows after a few seconds, never a question.

* * *

They trade oily cardboard boxes of fries and chicken with their feet up on the dashboard, sodas in hand. Their only company is the solitary Sonic employee across the street, and the amber lamp post that leans on and illuminates their car.

Addy steadfastly ignores her the entire time, scrolling through her phone and sipping on strawberry soda.

"So-"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"I haven't even said anything yet," Beth says, annoyed, "What do you think I'm gonna say to you?"

Addy rolls herself away from Beth, garbage crumpled in her lap. "I don't know, Beth. Call me a whore? Drag me for choosing Brady Jones? You're so - _you_. I haven't even looked at a guy since the seventh grade, how am I supposed to know how you're going to react?"

She sounds so weary and beleaguered, it’s Beth's worst fear manifesting in reality.

_Has Addy been thinking about this for a while?_

"Do you actually like him?" she asks, her voice levelled, in direct odds with how she feels.

"No!" Addy says, and Beth relaxes, "He's just nice and he's on the football team so I thought he'd be a safe person to practice with."

It all comes out in a string that makes Beth's brow furrow.

"Practice with?" Beth asks, before realization dawns on her.

"Shut up," Addy says, hiding behind a sheet of hair at Beth's blinding grin.

"You were looking for someone to _practice_ with," Beth says, in a baby voice. "Well, Addy Hanlon, if you're driven to these desperate means just for practice, maybe you should just call me."

"But we already...do that," Addy says, skirting around the reality of what they do. Long afternoons where Beth makes a home between her thighs and laps at her pussy for hours, until her cheeks and chin are soaked because while Beth doesn't care much for food, she's a complete glutton for Addy. And even longer nights where Addy returns the favour, pink mouth open and so, so good as Beth rides her face with one fist in her hair, and shows her just how she likes it. 

"Exactly," Beth says, "You're great at kissing and everything in between. You don't need practice, trust me. I'd know."

Addy sighs, looking frustrated, like Beth's the one sitting on the back of this short bus.

"Beth, I meant that I wanted to practice...for real. Y'know?"

Beth stills because she definitely knows, even if she can't say it out loud. Practice is trading rum-and-coke flavoured kisses with your best friend while watching a movie. Practice is making your best friend come for the first time, getting her ready for everyone else (Even though Beth's entire being _burns_ at the thought, her blood sets alight at the implication that she’s training her girl for other people). Girls are for practice - _Beth_ is for practice - but boys are the real fucking deal.

Beth grabs her chin, pressing a thumb into the curve of her cheek, harsh and long lasting. She wants it to hurt.

_So, what we do isn't real?_

Beth is too afraid to ask, so she asks something else.

"What did you guys do then? When you were practicing for real," Beth spits, the corners of her mouth turning into something more cruel.

Addy rolls her eyes and tries to push her aside, but Beth's nail digs into her cheek, a hook keeping her still.

"What, you suddenly too shy to share with your _best friend_ ?" Beth asks, mocking. "We've been sharing a lot lately, sports bras, boys, _fingers_ \- don't start holding back now."

Addy looks down at her like she’d bite at her fingers, if Beth gave her the chance. Beth’s tempted to test it, to let her go and see if baby’s really got bite.

"He ate me out and fingered me a little, okay? Is that what you want to hear?"

 _Yes_ , Beth thinks, her heart jumping in her chest.

It doesn't actually bother her, thinking of that pathetic virgin, Brady Jones, jabbing his useless tongue between Addy's thighs. Hell, she even gets it.

But imagining Addy, on raw knees, mouth stuffed with some sad loser's cock, where Beth has been so many times before? It's enough to make a girl kill.

"I mean not exactly," Beth lies, voice low, "I'm just disappointed. Who could call you a whore for that, Hanlon?" Beth tosses her chin aside and leans back. "You're practically Catholic."

Addy wipes at her face where Beth was holding, but Beth can still see the imprint of her nails, matching little furrows on each cheek.

"If you sucked his dick, on the other hand," Beth drawls, "then you'd be a whore."

"Please, isn't your blowie count like _twenty_ now?" Addy asks, not unkindly.

"Never say I didn't do anything for you, Hanlon," Beth says, "I did it all so you don't have to. So don't do it."

Addy falters.

"Hey," she starts, suddenly serious, "I didn't say that. You're not a...you know. No matter how many dudes you've banged."

“Yeah, okay,” Beth laughs, dryly, not pressed to argue about the tenants of whoredom with a drunk recent-virgin when she’s already three mickeys and four joints deep.

"I hate when you do that," Addy says, frowning and turning away from her.

"Do what?" Beth follows, leaning over the gearshift like a magnet.

"That. You don't take me seriously," Addy says, her tongue worked loose and honest by the alcohol. Or maybe she's just possessed by the bravery of nightfall, as the food should have absorbed the worst of the booze by now.

"You just...keep me around," she spits, "Like a cute cat, or a rabbit, or a fucking dog."

She sounds surprisingly vitriolic, misplaced for the moment, like she meant to say it in a very different context, in a different conversation. It unsettles Beth.

"You keep me around too," Beth says, bringing Addy's hand to her lips to brush a kiss on the back of it. "You can even walk me like a bitch if that'll make you feel better."

It all sounds like thoughtless drunk babble to her, but Addy looks so deeply sad it makes Beth want to comfort and joke until she doesn't look so serious anymore.

"I won’t, and it doesn’t," Addy says, even though it sounds like she doesn't hate the idea. "What's the lifespan for dogs?" Addy, suddenly asks. She does that a lot when she's drunk, asking Beth how lightbulbs were invented or who invented the first language. She never remembers what she asked, but Beth does. Beth remembers everything.

"A little over ten years for big dogs," Beth says, "Closer to twenty for the little ones."

Addy frowns at the potential dog death, even though she doesn't have one and she's never wanted one.

"That's sad," Addy says.

"It's life," Beth says. She'd learnt that the hard way when her childhood Daschund died of cancer, right after Bert left. It was a cruel mirror to her parent's relationship, the dog passing when their marriage did. Only he had to move six feet under while Bert got to move across the street. She's morbidly glad that he died when he did. He was the first great disappointment of her life.

"It's sad," Addy repeats, her eyes on her lap. She doesn't say it, but Beth gives her the unasked for kiss, brushing it gently against her lips.

Addy kisses her back once, and then twice, before settling back into her seat, her eyes dark.

Beth asks, “Are you sad, Addy?”

Addy nods in confirmation.

Beth kisses one more time and keeps her eyes open the entire time, watching her eyelids flutter, gaze possessive. Nobody’s seen her like this, not even Addy. She wills herself to burn the image into her retinas, like she’s forced herself to only remember the important things. Cheer stunts and her Mom’s birthday, leagues below the way Addy looks when she’s about to be kissed and the face she makes right before she comes.

They only stop, because Addy needs to breathe, flushed cheeks rising as she pants.

She wipes at her wet mouth, and links her fingers with Beth’s over the gearshift. Within a few minutes, she’s asleep.

As they drive down the dark, weathered road, Beth duly remembers that her and Addy have been friends for almost ten long years.

* * *

They go on like that for two more years.

There are more Brady Jones' and Beth forgives every single one of them. She sees the vacant look in Addy's eyes when she kisses them and she knows, _Addy can never love any of them. She can't love any boy._ Beth watches Addy kiss boys and feels safe. She kisses her own share of boys and Addy plays at not caring for them, at least until she's tucking Beth into bed and running a wash cloth over her fresh hickies, jaw set in a hard line.

Things aren't perfect but it's what's required - both to keep power and keep face, so Beth plays along.

She’ll kiss as many boys as she has to as long as she can keep her girl.

* * *

The summer between their junior and senior year, news about their hot new cheer coach, Colette French, starts to roll into town.

Addy is starry-eyed and excited, more excited than she wants Beth to know if the way she wriggles and bites her lip when she tells her says anything about it.

Their last two coaches have been total duds, retired Sutton Grove High cheerleaders that never left town or did anything remarkable themselves. Against her talentless predecessors, Colette French is practically a cheer rockstar, making the girls gossip until Beth joins them and calls her a _tired cunt_ or a _washed out gash_. The girls nervously giggle and agree because they can't afford not to agree with Beth.

Beth isn't worried. She's sure the coach will disappoint them all without Beth’s help, no one more so than Addy, who dreams higher than she can fly.

"You owe me five bucks when she tries to show us just one stunt at practice, and breaks her back," Beth says, throwing a five in Addy's direction. Addy catches it before the wind does, tucking the wrinkled note in her bra. Beth's eyes follow the money hungrily, until Addy crosses her arms, trying and failing to obscure her chest. As it is, her breasts just fall over the limb and make them bulge even more.

"We're in public."

"Am I not allowed to admire the scenery _in public?_ "

Addy rolls her eyes but lets Beth roll on top of her, trailing kisses up Addy's strong toned stomach and then between the furrow of her heavy tits, peering up at her.

"Beth, we're in public," Addy groans, flushing with embarrassment even though the parking lot is empty. Only a bus loading up new recruits parallels them, nearly a football's length away.

Beth gives her one tiny kiss on the lips before Addy squeals and shoves, forcing Beth off of her. Beth throws her head back and groans into the muggy September air.

"Come on - they can't even see us!" Beth insists. "Hey boys!" she yells, waving at them.

She hooks four fingers in her mouth, pitching a high whistle that makes Addy cover her ears.

They reply with a series of whistles and shouts, a nearby car even honking at Beth.

"They're a bunch of fakers," Beth huffs, falling on her ass next to Addy whose strewn across the hot hood of her jeep.

Addy shakes her head, laughing at her. After a few moments, she changes the topic.

"I've decided I'm gonna use your five to buy myself a Big Gulp after practice," Addy says, avoiding her eyes. "I don’t think she’s going to break her back, I actually think she’s going to be really good for the team. It’s what we need, you know? Direction...maybe some boundaries.”

"You're going to have to use your own five on that Big Gulp, because there's no way in hell that's going to happen," Beth snorts. "What, you think I'm just going to let some old hag roll up out of nowhere and show me how to run my squad? Please."

Addy shrugs, but doesn't answer.

Before school starts, they have their first unofficial practice. They've all gone gummy and stiff after a long summer of booze and backyard tumbling. Their bodies need to be molded all over again like the last two years of training hadn't happened at all.

Of course, Beth's already started practicing a month before. Addy hasn't and is paying for it now, resting against the fence and panting.

"Hey Hanlon!" Beth yells, jolting Addy out of her reverie. "Knees up."

Addy flips her off and Beth smiles, her drill sergeant facade sliding away for just a moment.

Addy casts one more look beyond the fence, piquing Beth's interest.

"Hanlon!" Beth barks.

Addy starts to run and throws one last glance over her shoulder as she does. Beth saunters over to the fence once Addy's out of sight but when she looks, she only catches the platinum top of a blonde head.

Looking back, Beth will mark it as the beginning of the end in the lexicon of her memory, but it's only a period punctuating the inevitable.

The cleaving of Addy Hanlon and Beth Cassidy doesn't begin with a period. It doesn’t even begin that year. It begins when they're fourteen, and Beth sinks her nails into Addy's skin and _twists_ . The split furrows when at fifteen Addy realizes, _it is always going to be like this._ This is all they can ever have, if they stay in Sutton Grove, and of course they'll stay in Sutton Grove because where else can they go?

The real cleaving comes much later and with a bang, courtesy of a lost hamsa bracelet, a smoking gun, and one, Colette fucking French.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please leave a kudos or a comment. If not, exit and move on.
> 
> I'm also back on Tumblr so if you want to drop me a line about my fics you can do so [@pearlshop](https://pearlshop.tumblr.com/).


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